Confidence Vs. Comparison

As a third generation Italian, I know many things to be true.  First, you should never purchase pasta that comes in a can (I'm looking at you, Chef Boyardee).  Second, plucking your eyebrows every day is a must unless you want to have one eyebrow across your entire face.  Finally, what I think is an acceptable volume of communication must be lowered by several decibels to match what others think is an acceptable volume. Growing up in a household full of loud, passionate people must have skewed my understanding of what other people would consider normal.  

Normal.  Growing up, that is all I desired to be.  Someone who fit in to her surroundings.  I felt as though I stuck out for a variety of reasons.  For the aforementioned loudness that seemed to always be getting me in trouble, the fact that I had a twin sister, a carbon copy if you will, who in addition to being my best friend was almost like a measuring stick that people used for comparison.  

"You look shorter than your sister."  

"Your sister is beautiful and you are just cute." 

"You are not as smart, athletic, popular, nice, insert adjective here than your sister."  

I loved the way I grew up, and the fact that I always had a friend in my twin, but I didn't realize the weight of comparison that had become ingrained in my everyday life.

The struggles of comparison and desire to fit in would follow me much past my days on the playground in elementary school.  As I grew up I remember having a longing to belong to a group, to feel like I had found my people.  I craved acceptance from those around me, and that would often only come when I changed the way I dressed, talked, or acted to suit those around me.  I remember feeling exhausted from constantly trying to please the passing friends that would walk in and out of my life.

Time and time again I realized that trying to fit in only lasted so long.  I had the feeling that I didn't quite measure up, or that I didn't belong. Wanting to be accepted and to belong is inherent in our nature as humans.  We are wired to crave love and friendship, to do life with each other.  We are created to want more, do more, be more, and that causes conflict in our in-most being because it creates a feeling of dissatisfaction with who we are now.  When we are always looking at what we will do next, where we are going tomorrow, or what we will be when we grow up it can overshadow what God has in store for us today.  

The truth is, God designed us with a specific plan in mind.  We were called to him to accomplish his purpose, not to fit into the molds that have been created in those around us.  

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory." (Ephesians 1:11-12). 

We can rest in the joy of just being who we are, instead of comparing ourselves to what we see around us. The truth of his word is that we don't need to fit in to find security in who we are.  You can find confidence in Christ instead of who you are trying to be.  There is nothing you can do or be to impress God. His word reveals that you glorify God by being who he made you to be.

What does this mean for us? We need to be sure to spend time asking Him what He has in store for us, and what He desires from us and for us each day.  We can trust that we were created the way we are for a reason.  I tend to be loud, and unafraid to voice my opinion.  Instead of feeling like that is something I should try to sensor, I can acknowledge that my desire to use my voice is from God, and that it can be used to build his church.  When we find confidence and strength in who we are, we will be vessels to glorify God and share His truth and love with those around us in whatever way He desires.

Spend time talking to God.  Thank Him for the unique qualities he gave you, even when those qualities seem to alienate you from those around you!  The different quirks might just be the extra qualifications that God has given you for the mission he has placed before you.  We can find confidence in who we are, who He created us to be, and how He has equipped us for His calling.